Penguins of Madagascar Movie Novelization Read online

  “Oh, there he is. D3,” Kowalski said.

  Skipper sighed. “Aw, Private. How much is he?”

  “He’s three dollars and fifty cents,” Kowalski replied.

  “Well, that’s outrageous!” Skipper complained. “Even for Private!”

  Fwip! A tentacle pulled Rico inside.

  “Sir! The machine’s alive!” Kowalski cried.

  Fwip! A tentacle pulled him in next.

  Skipper glared angrily at the machine. “I don’t think I like your attitude, vending machine. Or your prices! Release them!”

  Another tentacle slid out, and Skipper tried to grasp it, but it sucked him inside too.

  A guard walked in, only to see the vending machine, stuffed with penguins, rise up on six octopus tentacles.

  “What the . . . ?” the guard asked.

  Bam! The machine head-butted him and crashed out of the break room.

  It raced through the halls of Fort Knox, swinging from pipes and ceiling beams to avoid the guard. It swung higher and higher until . . . smash! It crashed right through the roof!

  Then it launched itself upward into the sky. A helicopter appeared, releasing a giant metal claw hook.

  Chunk! The hook grabbed onto the machine, and the helicopter flew off into the night.

  CHAPTER 4

  Dave

  The helicopter flew all the way to Venice, Italy, a charming city of brick buildings with canals running through it. The copter hovered over a submarine parked at a dock and then lowered the vending machine onto the sub’s deck.

  The machine descended through a hatch and the walls fell apart, revealing a cage with the four penguins trapped inside. They were all coated with orange Cheezy Dibble dust.

  “Kowalski, analysis,” Skipper said.

  “All evidence indicates,” he began as his stomach rumbled loudly, “that I ate too many Cheezy Dibbles.”

  Private coughed, and a cloud of orange dust poofed out of his mouth.

  “We’re behind enemy lines and incredibly thirsty,” Skipper said. “Rico, bust us out of this delicious prison.”

  Rico hacked up a paper clip, bent it, and picked the lock on the cage. The four penguins burst out and struck ready-to-fight poses.

  “Nice work, Rico,” Skipper said. “You are a meaningful and valued member of this team.”

  Meaningful and valued. Private sighed when he heard those words. Skipper had never said that about him. What would it take to impress him, like the others always did?

  Private took the paper clip from the lock and tossed it down his gullet. He tried to cough it up, just like Rico, but he couldn’t. Instead, he coughed and sputtered.

  Skipper spun around and said, “Private! Quit lollygagging . . . and regular gagging.”

  Private swallowed the paper clip, wincing. “Sorry,” he said.

  Skipper looked around. “Dark and ominous. Two of my least favorite traits in a room,” he said.

  Then Private noticed something. “Oh, look! A button!”

  He pressed a button on the floor, and the platform they were standing on lowered them into another room.

  Skipper shook his head. “Private, what have I told you about—”

  “Sorry, what?” Private asked, pressing another button.

  A rumbling shook the room. A giant laser came down from the ceiling and pointed directly at the penguins.

  “It looks like some sort of giant laser sent to kill us all, sir,” Kowalski reported helpfully.

  Skipper slid out of the laser’s path. Private spotted the laser controls and scurried over.

  “Ooh! Another button!” he cried.

  “Nooo!” wailed Skipper, Kowalski, and Rico.

  They dashed over to Private, stopping him before he could press it. And in the very next moment . . .

  Drip. Drip. Drip.

  Water slowly splashed down on them from above.

  “Naughty, naughty.” The penguins heard a creepy voice.

  They looked up to see a mysterious figure on the catwalk above them. He wore a lab coat and had a weird, enormous head. But that wasn’t the only weird thing about him—he was walking upside down, defying gravity!

  “Pretty birds belong in their cages,” the creepy guy cooed.

  He jumped from the catwalk and landed in front of them in a tangled heap. His arms and legs were bent at impossible angles. The penguins made faces as he put them back into place.

  “Ew!” they cried.

  “Now, that’s just hurtful,” said the guy. “And I was so happy to see you again, Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, and sweet little Private.”

  He poked Private’s beak. “Boop!”

  “Who are you?” Skipper asked.

  “The humans know me as Dr. Octavius Brine: renowned geneticist and cheese enthusiast,” he replied, advancing menacingly on the penguins. “But you know me by a different, much older name. A name perhaps you’d hoped you’d never hear again. A phantom. A shadow of a former life.”

  He paused dramatically. “I! AM! DAAAVE!” he cried, and a hideous purple octopus burst forth from the costume of Dr. Brine.

  The penguins stared blankly at him.

  “Kowalski?” Skipper asked.

  “Sorry, sir. No clue,” Kowalski reported.

  “DAAAVE!” the octopus repeated.

  “Daaave?” Kowalski asked.

  “Daaave,” said Dave the octopus.

  “Dave?” asked Skipper.

  “Daaave,” said Dave.

  “Dave?” asked Private.

  “Daaave,” Dave said again.

  Rico shrugged as if to say, “Daaave?”

  “You seriously don’t remember me?” Dave asked.

  Skipper tried to cover things up. “Dave! Dave! Right! Ah, yeah, long time! Uh, how’s the wife?”

  Dave was furious. “I’ve never been married!” he sputtered. His bulgy eyes narrowed menacingly. “You may not remember me, but I could never forget you. . . .”

  He moved to a shelf lined with snow globes from different zoos around the world. He reached for one with a tentacle: the New York City Zoo. He shook it, making the snow fall inside.

  “New York City,” Dave began. “I was taken to the zoo there. Life was good. Roomy tank, great location, monkey house views.”

  The penguins nodded. They knew it well.

  “I knew it would take time for people to appreciate my talents,” Dave said, his mind wandering back to those days. He had wiggled his tentacles masterfully. He’d stuffed his whole body into a jar. People loved seeing him. Kids thought he was cool.

  Dave glared at the penguins. “And then you arrived. You took everything from me. Four adorable penguins! With you around, no one wanted an old octopus anymore.”

  To make room for the penguins, Dave’s tank had been removed from the zoo. He’d been shipped out to another zoo. But once again, people only wanted to see the adorable penguins.

  “And so it went, over and over, at zoo after aquarium,” Dave went on. “Adorable penguins stole the show, while I was shunned. Forgotten. Unwanted. Alone.”

  Private wiped a tear from his eye. “That sounds awful.”

  “Oh, it was,” Dave assured him. “I came to realize that some creatures are born to get all the love. The rest of us get nothing.”

  Behind him, Rico swallowed the entire row of globes. Dave turned just as Rico gulped down the last one.

  “Ugh! What is wrong with you?” Dave asked.

  Rico shrugged.

  Skipper tried to smooth things over. “Oh Daryl, Daryl, Daryl, you can’t blame us for what happened to you.”

  “Uh, can!” Dave said. “That’s how this whole revenge thing works!”

  He held up a canister of glowing green goo.

  “And with this, I finally have the power to destroy you,” he announced.

  “Crikey!” exclaimed Private.

  Dave snapped one of his tentacles and three octopus henchmen appeared.

  “Nicholas, cage them!” he ordered one of
them.

  “I have bad news for you, Dennis,” Skipper informed him. “You messed with the wrong birds. Because we are an elite unit; the best of the best. Cream of the corn on a platinum cob. And we’re gonna take your deadly green goop and sashay right out of the exit hatch.”

  “And just how are you going to do that?” Dave asked.

  “Deploy secret weapon!” Skipper commanded.

  Skipper jumped on top of Private. Kowalski jumped on top of Skipper. Rico jumped on top of Kowalski, who squeezed Rico’s belly. A cloud of orange Cheezy Dibble dust sprayed into the eyes of Dave and his henchmen.

  “Ahh! The cheese! It burns!” Dave screamed.

  He dropped the canister. The penguins, still stacked one on top of the other, jumped on the canister. Then they rolled across the floor to the elevator platform.

  “Roll out!” Skipper yelled.

  When they reached the platform, Skipper kicked the canister up to Rico. Rico swallowed it, and the boys escaped out of the hatch.

  Dave growled, wiping the dust out of his eyes.

  “After them!” he yelled.

  CHAPTER 5

  Gondola Chase!

  The four penguins emerged onto the deck of the submarine. Gondolas—flat-bottomed boats steered by a gondolier rowing with a long oar—floated past them. People used them to get around the city.

  “Taxi!” Skipper called out.

  The nearest gondola held a couple staring into each other’s eyes, and a guitarist playing romantic music. The penguins jumped in and tossed the couple and the gondolier out.

  Skipper turned to the guitarist. “How about some music? Something chasey!”

  The musician started playing a fast tune. Private looked back and saw the three octopus henchmen leaving the sub.

  “Here they come!” Private yelled.

  “Let’s move!” Skipper urged.

  Private and Rico each picked up an oar, and they paddled furiously through the canal. Slam! They banged into another gondola.

  The gondolier shouted at them in Italian as they rowed away. Behind them, the octopi swam through the water and then hijacked a gondola. They used the gondolier like a puppet, making his arms row faster and faster as they chased the penguins.

  “We’ve got baddies at six o’clock!” Private yelled.

  “Kowalski, battle formation!” Skipper ordered.

  Kowalski hopped up onto the stern of the ship, and Skipper hopped onto his shoulders. The octopi moved the gondolier’s arms into a fighting stance. Skipper held out an oar, ready to battle.

  “Ha! So you squeegees want to do the gondola mambo? Well, let’s dance!”

  Squirt! One of the octopi squirted ink into Skipper’s eye. “Ow! Mother of pearl, that stings!” Skipper yelled. “I’ve lost visual! Kowalski! Be my eyes!”

  “Uh, left!” Kowalski instructed him.

  Skipper swung his oar wildly, and clocked the poor gondolier right in the head.

  “Right! Right!” Kowalski urged.

  Skipper swung and missed the octopi again, hitting the gondolier once more. The octopi took a swing at Skipper.

  “Duck!” Kowalski cried.

  Skipper ducked. The oar missed Skipper and smashed into a nearby window. An angry man swung open the window, knocking the octopi and the gondolier into the water.

  “I think I got ’em,” Skipper said, his eyes still filled with ink.

  “They’re down, sir!” Kowalski reported.

  But then the octopi emerged from the water. Two of them stretched out and linked tentacles, forming an octopus slingshot. They catapulted the third octopus across the water.

  “Skipper!” Kowalski warned.

  “Go all terrain!” Skipper commanded.

  The four penguins planted their oars onto the street. Still in the gondola, they held onto the oars and used them like stilts to pass through an outdoor café.

  The octopi weren’t far behind. They squeezed through a sewer grate flowing underneath the café and burst out of manhole covers on the ground. One octopus reached up and snatched Skipper’s oar away from him.

  “We’ve lost engine one!” Skipper cried.

  Another octopus grabbed the oars away from Kowalski and Rico.

  “And two and three!” Kowalski reported.

  The third octopus grabbed Private’s oar.

  “Four!” Private announced. The gondola fell forward—and in an amazing stroke of luck, landed right on a scooter.

  “Switch to emergency power!” Skipper commanded.

  Private hopped onto the throttle of the scooter. “Aye-aye, Skipper!”

  They turned into a dead end, where a merchant was loading watermelons into a truck.

  “We’ve got melons! Dead ahead!” Private called out.

  Rico acted quickly. He coughed up a fish and launched it at the latch on the truck’s back hatch. The hatch flipped down and the scooter rode right up into the truck, and then launched the penguins onto the rooftops.

  They zipped past a clothesline, and a towel wiped the octopus ink off of Skipper’s face.

  “I can see!” he cried, and the first thing he saw was Rico accidentally coughing up the green canister. “I can see! Rico, the glowing thing!”

  Rico swallowed the canister again as a sock wrapped around Skipper’s face.

  “Agh! Venetian blinded again!” he yelled.

  The gondola bounced off the rooftop and onto an awning, then bounced again onto the ground.

  That’s when an octopus jumped into the gondola with them.

  “We’ve been boarded!” Kowalski yelled.

  “Initiate self-destruct sequence!” Skipper ordered.

  At that moment, a motorcycle burst out of an alley and drove right through the gondola, breaking it in half! The penguins flew out of the gondola along with the guitar. They landed on the guitar and rode it like a surfboard down the sidewalk.

  “Nice,” Skipper told Kowalski. “Frankly, I’m surprised we had a self-destruct sequence.”

  Bam! The guitar crashed into a wall. The penguins tumbled off, dazed from the crash. As they staggered around, Skipper addressed them—still with the sock over his head.

  “All right, boys, battle stance!” he said, his voice full of exhaustion.

  “We’re in battle stance, sir,” Kowalski informed him as Rico yanked the sock off of Skipper’s head.

  “Oh, good!” Skipper said. He turned to face the three octopi approaching menacingly. “Now we, uh, spring our trap!”

  Kowalski looked behind them. They had their backs against the wall.

  “I’m not sure they’re the ones who are trapped, sir,” he said.

  “Kowalski, remember our little talk about true but unhelpful comments?” Skipper asked.

  Kowalski nodded. “Yes, sir.”

  “Sometimes we just have to wing it!” Skipper said, ready to launch into a defense.

  But before the penguins could make a move, a snowy owl with white feathers swooped down and carried off an octopus.

  Kowalski watched in awe. “Wow!”

  A baby seal popped out of a light fixture on the wall.

  Boom! He took out the second octopus with a flash grenade.

  Then a huge polar bear emerged from a telephone booth.

  Zap! He hit the last octopus with a Taser.

  The penguins watched, amazed, as the owl flew back down and the three animals lined up before them.

  “Sorry for underestimating the plan, Skipper,” Kowalski said.

  “It’s okay, Kowalski. Just don’t ever doubt me again,” Skipper said. Then he looked at the animals. “Now, what the heck is going on?”

  His voice was drowned out by the scream of a jet as it soared above them. A large wolf rappelled off the craft and landed in front of them.

  “Remain calm, penguins,” he said, in a super­official voice. “You are now under the protection of the North Wind. You are welcome.”

  CHAPTER 6

  The North Wind

  The wolf flashe
d a badge with the letters NW engraved on it. The penguins looked at one another. North Wind? What was going on here?

  There was no time to ask questions as the wolf, the owl, the polar bear, and the baby seal led them up to the jet, which hovered miraculously over the city. The craft had the letters VTOL painted on the side. They stood for Vertical Takeoff and Landing ship.

  Once they got inside, the big polar bear eyed them. “Oh my gosh! You guys are sooo cute! Cute, so cute! You’re so cute!” he cooed. He picked them all up in both arms and squeezed them in a bear hug. “Ooh! And cuddly, too!”

  “Hey! Get away! No more hugs!” Skipper complained, trying to bat him away.

  “It’s like being licked by a basketful of puppy dogs!” the polar bear said happily.

  “Corporal!” the wolf barked. The unit leader was steering the plane.

  Corporal reluctantly put down the penguins.

  “Chart a course back to North Wind head­quarters,” the wolf instructed him.

  Corporal backed away, forming a heart with his hands and grinning at the penguins before getting back into mission mode.

  Then the wolf nodded to the white snowy owl. “Eva, inform them that we’re bringing in witnesses,” he ordered.

  Skipper didn’t like the sound of that at all. “Private, Dibble me,” he said.

  Private handed him a bag of Cheezy Dibbles, and Skipper jumped onto the plane’s dashboard.

  “We’re not going anywhere with you,” he told the wolf commander, stuffing a Dibble into his beak. “We don’t even know who the heck you are!”

  “The North Wind is an elite—” the commander began.

  Crunch! Skipper chomped down on a Dibble.

  “An elite undercover, interspecies—”

  Crunch! Skipper chomped down again.

  “Task—”

  Crunch!

  “Force, dedicated to helping—”

  Crunch!

  “Animals who can’t help—”

  Crunch!

  “Themselves—”

  Crunch!

  “Like penguins,” the wolf finished.

  “Really?” asked Skipper, insulted. “And you are?”

  “My name is classified,” the wolf responded.

  “Classified, eh? What is that, Dutch?” Skipper asked. “Can’t really hear the accent.”