The Boss Baby Junior Novelization Read online

  Chapter 1

  Just the Three of Us

  My name is Tim, and this is my story. It starts when I was seven years old, and I relied on my imagination. Back then life was one big adventure after another. At least, that’s how I remember it. It was just the three of us—the Templetons. Me, Mom, and Dad.

  And Mom and Dad had lots of time to play with me.

  I had the greatest parents ever—and they had the coolest jobs! They worked for the biggest pet company in the world: Puppy Co. They got to test out all the new products for puppies. Sometimes, they let me help.

  But even though they were busy, they always had time for our adventures. Bath time was never just bath time—we would pretend we were swimming with sharks under the ocean!

  And every night, we had our special bedtime ritual. Three stories. Five hugs. And finally, Mom and Dad would sing my special song.

  “Little bird, don’t you cry, one day you will learn to fly. . . .”

  When they finished singing, they would tuck me in and I would drift off to sleep, perfectly content. I was the star of the Templeton family show. The center of the universe.

  Then one night something different happened. Mom and Dad read me three stories. They gave me five hugs. They sang the song. Then, before they tucked me in, Dad asked me, “Hey, Tim, how would you like to have a baby brother?”

  “No thanks,” I replied. “I’m enough.”

  Maybe I should have wondered why he asked me, but I didn’t. Instead, as I drifted off to sleep, I wondered where babies came from. Long conveyor belts carried new babies around a big baby factory. The babies got diapers and booties. Then a machine arm tickled their tummies. The babies who giggled got sent down a chute with a blinking green sign that read: FAMILY.

  I saw lots of babies giggle, one after the other. Then one baby got tickled, but he didn’t giggle at all! The sign turned red, and read: MANAGEMENT.

  A flipper knocked the baby down a long, steep chute. His booties and pacifier flew off. He dropped down the chute into a pair of black pants. Then machine hands gave him a pair of loafers, a watch, and a jacket and tie!

  A robotic suction-cup picked him up and dropped him into an office chair. The chair rolled down a long tube. A machine arm handed him a briefcase, and another arm handed him a bottle with a label that read: SUPER SECRET BABY FORMULA.

  Then the office chair rolled into a room filled with cubicles, like in Mom and Dad’s office. The baby in the suit slid behind the desk. Somehow, I knew what this strange baby was.

  He was a Boss Baby.

  When I woke up, I remembered the whole dream. I thought it was weird and then forgot about it, until a few weeks later.

  That’s when everything changed, and my weird dream became a real-live nightmare!

  Chapter 2

  Baby Invasion!

  The day I got a brother started out like any other day, but little did I know that my life would never be the same. Wizzie—my alarm clock that looks like a wizard—woke me up.

  “Wake up, little halflings! It’s seven a.m.!”

  I jumped down from my bed. “Morning, Wizzie!” I replied.

  “What great adventure lies in wait for you today?” Wizzie asked.

  I fished through the toys scattered around my room and pulled out a safari helmet. I grabbed my toy binoculars and ran to my window to look outside for dinosaurs. As I was scanning for prehistoric monsters, a taxi pulled up in front of my house and a baby in a suit carrying a briefcase stepped out. My parents always said that I had an overactive imagination, but I clearly remember that he was delivered in a taxi. He walked past my bicycle and kicked it over. Then he strutted excitedly up to the front door.

  Suddenly I knew where I had seen that baby before—from my dream! It was the Boss Baby! He was real. But what was he doing at my house?

  I ran downstairs and saw Mom and Dad standing there. Mom was holding Boss Baby in her arms, just like he was a normal baby. Then Dad smiled at me.

  “Tim, meet your new baby brother,” he said.

  Baby brother? I couldn’t believe what Dad had just said. I had a million questions. Who is this guy? Why’s he here? What’s with that outfit? Why is he so fat? Why’s he staring at me? Does he know karate? What’s going on?

  But before I could ask any of them, Boss Baby started to cry. Mom and Dad tried to get the baby to stop crying. They had no clue that he was not a typical baby.

  Right from the start he was yelling at people, ordering everyone around. One thing was clear, he was the boss.

  “Waaaaaaaaaah!”

  He would cry, and they would bring him a bottle.

  “Waaaaaaaaaah!”

  Then he would slap the bottle right out of their hands!

  “Waaaaaaaaaah!”

  Mom and Dad would run and get him his favorite toy, Señor Squeaky. But he would slap that out of their hands too!

  “Waaaaaaaaaah!”

  He even bossed them around in the middle of the night! He didn’t care if anyone needed to sleep. And pretty soon all his toys and baby things took over every room of the house. It was like some kind of alien invasion.

  That Boss Baby had everyone wrapped around his chubby little finger—everyone except for me. I knew just what he was, but I had to convince Mom and Dad, somehow, that my new little brother was not a normal baby at all.

  Chapter 3

  What about Me?

  One night Mom and Dad were feeding Boss Baby his dinner. He was being good for once. They took turns spooning the food into his mouth and wiping his face clean.

  “Who’s Mommy’s little cutie?” Mom cooed.

  “No, he’s Daddy’s little tough guy, right?” Dad asked. Then he looked at Mom. “You know, one of us has to go with Mr. Francis to the Pet Convention.”

  I was watching Boss Baby’s face, and I could swear he understood every word they were saying. He looked very interested.

  “Oh, the convention in Vegas,” Mom said. “You know what, you should go.”

  “No, no, you should go,” Dad said.

  They both started arguing about who would get to stay home with the baby. Then Mom said, “Maybe the baby should decide.”

  She turned to him and started talking in a sweet, high-pitched baby voice. “Who do you want to stay with you? Daddy? Or Mommy?”

  “Or Daddy!” Dad jumped in.

  “He wants his mommy,” Mom said.

  I couldn’t take it anymore. “Ugh! We need to talk. In private!” I demanded.

  Mom and Dad looked at me. “About what, bud?” Dad asked.

  I didn’t want Boss Baby to know that I was onto him. “About the B-A-B-E-E,” I spelled out.

  Mom laughed. “Y, Tim.”

  “Why? Because he came out of nowhere. We don’t even know him. How can we trust him?” I asked.

  Mom shook her head. “Tim . . .”

  At that moment, Boss Baby smacked his bowl and baby food flew right into Mom and Dad’s faces! It was like he was trying to change the subject. But I wasn’t giving up.

  “Seriously, am I the only one who thinks there’s something weird about this guy?” I asked.

  I planted both hands on the table and leaned forward as I was making my point. Boss Baby yanked the tablecloth and I face-planted into my dinner plate! He was trying to silence me, I knew it!

  I jumped out of my chair. “Look at him! He wears a suit!”

  “I know. Isn’t it cute?” Mom said. “He’s like a little man.”

  “He carries a briefcase,” I pointed out. “Doesn’t anyone else think that’s a little freaky?”

  Dad smiled. “Well, you carried around Lam-Lam until you were like—”

  I interrupted him.
“This is not about Lam-Lam,” I said, and Boss Baby snorted, like he thought that was funny or something.

  Mom put on her gentle voice. “All babies are different, Tim,” she said.

  “And each one is special,” Dad added.

  “He’s taking over the whole house!” I cried.

  Mom looked at Boss Baby and smiled. “Are you taking over the whole house? Yes, you are! Yes, you are!”

  That baby made adorable faces at Mom. But when she turned away, he looked right at me and nodded. He DID understand everything we were saying. I knew it!

  “Trust me, one day you’re going to get to know this little guy,” Dad said as he kissed Boss Baby on the head. “And you’re going to love him with all your heart. Just like we do.”

  “All your heart?” I asked, and I felt like my own heart was breaking.

  If Mom and Dad had given all their hearts to Boss Baby, what was left for me?

  Chapter 4

  He Can Talk!

  That night, I waited patiently in bed for my three stories, five hugs, and special song. I waited and waited, but Mom and Dad never came into my room.

  I got out of bed and tiptoed down the hallway.

  “Mom? Dad?” I whispered loudly.

  I peeked inside their room. They were already asleep! They were tired out from being ordered around by Boss Baby.

  I was thinking about waking them up when I heard a phone ring. It didn’t sound like my Mom or Dad’s cell phone, though. It had kind of a weird, high-pitched sound.

  The ring was coming from the end of the hallway. I slowly made my way toward the sound. A light was glowing from inside Boss Baby’s room! Then, the ringing stopped—and I heard a voice.

  “I’m making great progress with the parents already,” someone was saying in a deep voice. “Oh, the usual procedure. Sleep deprivation, hunger strikes. They’re very disoriented. I’ve got them eating out of the palm of my hand. It’s hilarious, but I think the kid might be onto me.”

  My heart was pounding as I opened the door to Boss Baby’s room and peeked inside.

  Somebody was in Boss Baby’s room! At least that’s what I thought. I slowly opened the door and peeked inside. Then I gasped.

  Boss Baby was talking into a toy phone!

  “No, I can handle him,” Boss Baby was saying into the phone. “I know how important this mission is to the company.

  “Mission?” I whispered. What exactly was this weird baby up to?

  “Well, trust me, ma’am,” Boss Baby said. “You got the right baby for this job.”

  I pushed open the door and hit the light switch.

  “Hands up!” I shouted.

  Boss Baby turned around.

  “Fart! Poop! Doodie!” he said, trying to make me think he was a regular baby. But I knew better now.

  “You can talk!” I said, pointing at him.

  Boss Baby’s eyes got wide, and I knew he was trying to look innocent. “Uh, goo-goo ga-ga.”

  “No. You can really talk. I heard you,” I insisted.

  Boss Baby nodded. “Fine. I can talk. Now let’s see if you can listen. Get me a double espresso, and see if there’s someplace around here with decent sushi. What I wouldn’t do for a spicy tuna roll right about now.”

  He took some dollar bills from his diaper and tossed them at me.

  “Get yourself a little something,” he said.

  I still couldn’t believe he could talk. He sounded just like a grown-up. “Who are you?” I asked him.

  “Let’s just say . . . I’m the boss,” he replied.

  “But you’re a baby. You wear a diaper,” I pointed out.

  Boss Baby walked over to the closet. He pushed aside a box of diapers, revealing a safe. He opened the safe and took out a bottle marked SUPER SECRET BABY FORMULA—just like I had seen in my dream.

  “You know who else wears diapers?” he asked as he mixed himself a bottle of formula. “Astronauts and race-car drivers, that’s who. It’s called efficiency, Templeton. The average toddler spends what—forty-five hours a year on the potty? I’m the boss. I don’t have that kind of spare time.”

  I folded my arms across my chest. “Well, you’re not the boss of me.”

  “I am the boss of you,” Boss Baby said.

  “No, you’re not,” I shot back.

  Boss Baby slapped my legs right out from under me, and I landed in a tiny plastic chair.

  “Am too!” Boss Baby cried.

  “Are not!” I said.

  Boss Baby climbed onto his high chair. Then he squirted formula at me, and I dodged it.

  “Am too!”

  “Are not!”

  “Am too!”

  “Are not! I was here first!” I said in exasperation. “Just wait till Mom and Dad find out about this.”

  Then Boss Baby stuck his stubby little finger right in my face.

  “Oh yeah? You think they’d pick you over me? With your track record?” he asked.

  “You don’t know anything about me,” I told him.

  Boss Baby opened his briefcase and pulled out a folder. “So that’s how you want to play it, huh? Let’s see . . . Templeton, Timothy. Middle name . . . ha! I’m sorry. Your middle name is Leslie! Your grades are mostly C’s.”

  I didn’t like where this was going. “How do you know all that?” I asked.

  But he didn’t answer. “Says here you can’t ride a bike without training wheels. Even bears can ride bikes without training wheels, Leslie.”

  “Um . . .” I didn’t know what to say to that.

  “Date of birth says you’re seven,” Boss Baby continued.

  “Seven and a half,” I corrected him.

  Suddenly Boss Baby’s eyes closed, and he started drooling and snoring. His head fell forward and hit the tray of his high chair. He woke right back up.

  “Power nap! You were saying?” he asked.

  “I’m seven and a half,” I replied.

  Boss Baby nodded. “Exactly. You’re old. It’s time to make way for the next generation. It’s the way of the world. You would never ask your parents for an old toy.”

  He held out a stuffed lamb—my stuffed lamb.

  “Lam-Lam!” I cried.

  “Everyone wants the hot new thing,” Boss Baby said. He picked up a robot toy and pretended to make it fight with Lam-Lam! Then he tossed both toys aside. I caught Lam-Lam and held her close to me.

  “Mom and Dad don’t even know you,” I told him. “They love me.”

  “Oh yeah?” Boss Baby said. “Do the math, kid. There’s only so much love to go around. It’s like . . . these beads.”

  Boss Baby picked up one of his toys and put it in front of me. It was a row of colorful beads that you could slide back and forth on a rod. Boss Baby pushed all the beads to the left side and said, “You used to have all your parents’ love, all their time, all their attention. You had all the beads. But then I came along.”

  “Babies take a lot of time,” he added. He slid two beads over the right.

  “They need a lot of attention,” he said. He slid three more beads over to the right.

  “They get all the love,” he finished, and he slid all the beads over to the right! There were no more beads on my side.

  “We could share,” I suggested.

  “You obviously didn’t go to business school,” Boss Baby said. “Look, Templeton. The numbers just don’t add up. There’s not enough love for the two of us. Not enough beads to go around. And then, all of a sudden, there’s no place for Tim! Tim doesn’t fit anymore. So keep quiet, stay out of my way, or there’s gonna be cutbacks.”

  I didn’t like what Boss Baby was saying.

  “You can’t be fired from your own family,” I said, but I wasn’t sure if I believed my own words.

  I left Boss Baby’s room and went back to bed. I fell asleep with no stories, no hugs, and no song.

  I only had one thought: What if you could be fired from your family?

  Chapter 5

  Boss Bab
y’s Playdate

  The next morning Wizzie the alarm clock went off like he always did.

  “Wake up, little halflings! It’s seven a.m.!”

  “What’s the use,” I said to myself, and to my surprise, Wizzie answered my question.

  “What’s wrong, Timothy? Has that little dwarf made you blue?”

  I nodded.

  “Then I shall cast upon him a great curse!” Wizzie promised.

  “It’s no use, Wizzie,” I explained. “He’s got Mom and Dad fooled. If they knew what I knew, they’d never let him stay.”

  “Perhaps your parents need to be enlightened,” Wizzie suggested.

  “Yeah, I need to enlighten them,” I said, and then I suddenly realized what Wizzie was trying to tell me. “That’s what I need—proof!”

  “Expose his dark magic,” Wizzie encouraged.

  Suddenly, I felt a whole lot better. I had a plan! All I had to do was prove to my parents that Boss Baby wasn’t a real baby. Then they would send him back to the baby store (or whatever they called that weird place he came from).

  I jumped out of bed, grabbed a microphone and recorder, loaded a cassette tape inside the recorder, and put on my spy gear, complete with spy glasses, a mask, and mittens. I made my way down the hallway, moving like a ninja, stealthily flipping and leaping to the staircase. Everything was going so smoothly until I stepped on one of the baby’s toys and tripped and tumbled down the stairs. As I rubbed my aching back, I was surrounded by babies!

  I screamed. “They’re spreading!”

  One of them was the biggest baby I had ever seen. I tried to get up, but he pinned me to the ground. I watched in horror as spit drooled out of his mouth, dangling closer and closer to my face. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a three-headed baby start to close in with a kiss. . . .

  Just then Mom and Dad walked into the room.

  “Mom? Dad? What’s going on? It’s an invasion!” I cried.

  “It’s a playdate,” Mom replied, and Dad snapped a photo of the babies with his camera. Then they went into the kitchen to show the picture to the other babies’ parents.

  Boss Baby waddled up to me. “It’s a meeting. And you won’t be attending.”